A Listener, Bound

It is now about day 60 to my addiction to Shearwater's Rook. I've been listening to it or parts of it almost daily. It has a calming effect on me, and yet it excites me. It's a whole maelstrom in here.

For those of you seeking meaning to these beautiful songs, first look into the lyrics on Matador's site (PDF). That is but the beginning though. To really get the meaning you have to listen and feel.

What I got is an overwhelming feeling of sadness and anguish felt by the so-called 'Animal world', as though the birds and the whales and the rest of the rich and once flourishing life forms on this planet were speaking to us, Humans. But it seems that they are even beyond the point of accusation and laying of blame; instead they are filled by quiet dignified sense of retreat, disappearing silently into oblivion. Leaving us, our hearts "still racing", alone.

Whale picture from the National Geographic website.

Song of the Morning: No More Running Away

I haven't posted anything lately because I am consumed. Consumed by work, by school, by the many papers I have to submit.
Musically, I am very much devoured these days by Shearwater. I just can't stop playing Rook (the CD, not just the haunting song of a similar t name) in my mind or the stereo.

But it's not just that. All this strain is challenging me in ways I've not let myself feel or be exposed to. I admit - there are some PC games I use "cheats" to win. Have I "cheated" elsewhere in my life? Perhaps, mainly by avoiding it. But there comes a time when you just can't use "cheats". It does not work, and I don't mean just morally. It feels wrong.

Sure, the fear is great and yes, the anxiety is paralyzing. I am tired all the time and my body works out of automation as if I were a zombie (besides the brief unpleasant bodily reminders that I'm still alive). In a very deep sense I am not happy. So, usually at this point I'd get depressed. The thing is, I'm actually not depressed (and that is weird). So either I'm masochistic (possible), too busy or in denial to be depressed (also possible) or maybe I'm actually trying to deal with life and myself (could it be?). Am I beginning to grow up?

I didn't wake up with this post's featured song, unlike in previous posts. I actually woke up to Damien Rice's "Cold Water" (from the wonderful 'O'), specifically the lines "Lord, can you hear me now? Or am I lost?". But I'm going to sleep with another song. It's not because I turned optimistic (I'm not). The more I think about it the more it seems overly simplistic to live life as either "optimistic" or "pessimistic". As if that was all to life. It's because I need to face my fears, face my challenges and do my best, while I can. So, no more running away for me.

Air Traffic - "No More Running Away" {MP3} (from Fractured Life)
Air Traffic's picture from the lovely music review podcast site "Have You Heard".

Song of the Morning: Leviathan, Bound

I'm feeling kind of under the weather these past few days, so when I woke up today with a "Still is racing" going over and over in my head, it took me a few minutes. When I've finally recognized part of Shearwater's "Leviathan, Bound" chorus, I just had to keep still and let the magnificent song end before I could properly get up.

This "Song of the Morning" segment is about being haunted by these elusive songs, about being awaken to music playing in your head that you're not even aware of, music that speaks to you in the deepest possible way. Playing that song pretty much guarantees an experience even a sub-conscious as bizarre as mine will appreciate.

Shearwater - "Leviathan, Bound" (MP3), from the beautiful Rook.